o r c h i d b a u . c o m
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Webmonster notes: A new Orchidbau book is in the works. Like "Serpent Serpent" it will be available to read free-of-charge here at the site. No plans for a print edition at this time. Orchidbau isn't saying much about it... though he did say something about a spider.

Also: Additions to the "vinyl oddities" section coming soon.

november 20, 2008
beat the demon down
Trying to reach out despite the demon ravaging my head. I'm having trouble crawling out of this particular pit. And there's so much to do. I feel buried and panicked by the intensity of it. One foot in front of the other, one moment lined up with the next, not looking backwards and not looking too far ahead so as not to be overwhelmed.... this is the only way I know to navigate this strange and troubled terrain. This is the only way I know to get on with it. This is the only way I know to beat the demon down.

november 19, 2008
stay the hell out of it
Website will be a year old on December 1. Something should be done to mark the occasion but I'm not entirely sure what. I think this anniversary is clueing me in to the fact that orchidbau.com is serving me very well. It's stood up and been what I wanted it to be... and didn't slide into what I didn't want it to be. Not sure how that happened. Most likely because I stepped back and let it do it's job. So much of the creative process boils down to stepping back and letting it do it's own thing. Just stay the hell out of it and it will work out fine.

november 14, 2008
any questions?
It seems that only great distances of time allow for clarity. And even then I'm not always so sure. Can I look back at something and be absolutely certain that I now understand it - even after struggling for so long to make sense? And if I do allow myself to come to a conclusion, how soon will doubt creep quietly in and undo the reconciling I've been toiling at all this time? Can I ever be 100% certain? Can I ever make peace? Can I put it down long enough to know? And how long is long enough? When do the questions cease and desist once and for all?

november 12, 2008
21 years later
New Tracy Chapman CD, "Our Bright Future." Simple arrangements. Lyrics that speak with great insight and skilled turn of phrase. The simplicity and sparseness are deceiving. She has something to say but she isn't running up to you and smashing you over the head with it. She never disappoints. I remember buying her first album on vinyl in 1987. Christ - makes me sound ancient.

november 12, 2008
85 million can't be wrong
I've become addicted to the novels of V.C. Andrews. I know that they aren't considered to be great literature by any means - but there is something to them. Something that holds you, draws you in. Makes you invested in the characters and the outcome. To be able to construct such stories and characters definitely takes talent and skill. So what then separates them from what is considered to be great literature? Their popularity maybe? There are over 85 million copies of her books in print since "Flowers In The Attic" was originally published in 1979. I think that qualifies as pretty great.

november 11, 2008
whole world church
I can imagine the strangeness, the newness and the recreation of distress and truth run dry. I can imagine a face similar to mine saying things that I might say. I can imagine my faith as a tangible something - with colour and movement and sound. It glows purple. It's solid. It's singing. I can put my finger on it. I can feel the electricity of it charging though my body, leaving me slack, solid, strong, sonic. This electric is church is temple is the kneeling places and all the sites of faith and devotion in this world. This whole world electric. This whole world church.

november 8, 2008
what the fuck?!?
Sweet Jesus - I've never seen the mall as insane as it was today. Fucking pandemonium. There was a "mall wide" 20% off sale (though I found very few stores actually participating) and everyone went berserk. Just this crazed mass of wild-eyed consumers, shouting and clutching colourful plastic bags. The economy may be in the toilet but people clearly will spend like the world is ending if you say the right thing - the magic words. All I know is that there is no way in hell that I will be doing my Christmas shopping from anywhere but home this year. Fuck a duck. Just nuts.

november 5, 2008
theological shit
When God came to the Virgin Mary and told her what was going to happen to her was she instantly thrilled? Did she get on board from the beginning? Or did she think, Oh, shit.   The Bible isn't very forthcoming with answers to these questions.... but you can be sure that nowhere in the Bible will you find the Virgin Mother (or anyone else for that matter) saying the word 'shit.'

november 5, 2008
r.i.p.
My uncle S______ died today. I just can't get my head around it.

november 4, 2008
a bitter pill to swallow
The codeine I've been taking since my surgery has been fucking with my mood. I think I'll stick only to the Ibuprofen... my mood will be okay but my stomach will be a wreck. There's always some kind of compromise that has to be made in these situations. So much for the marvels of modern medicine.

november 3, 2008
nocturnal emission of a different kind
The title of my next book came to me in a dream during my nap tonight. Nice to have one of my dreams make some kind of fucking sense.

november 3, 2008
cry uncle
I learned today that one of my uncles has premature Alzheimers disease and is not expected to live long. He is 54. Out of eight siblings he is the youngest. My father was the oldest - he's been dead 13 years now. Another brother has had Parkinsons disease for many years now. Their father died very young. The men in my family are not faring well. If I'm not careful I could fall prey to fear and despair - which would be useless and depressing and be a big step backwards in my personal evolution. I have to be - and am - absolutely steadfast and completely unwavering in my faith... cause it's the only thing that can keep the demons of fear and despair at bay.

november 3, 2008
weird / wired
Things continue to be weird. Funny - the word "wired" is an anagram for "weird." Well, okay, maybe it's not funny... just weird. Or should I say wired? Ha ha. Yes, dear reader, you can roll your eyes now.

Click a month below for archived diary entries...

| october 2008 |

| september 2008 |

| august 2008 |

| june - july 2008 |

| may 2008 |

| april 2008 |

| march 2008 |

| februay 2008 ("the piano district") |

| january 2008 |

| december 2007 |

| november 2007 |

| october 2007 |