diary Archive: March 2008.

march, 2008

march 31, 2008
the internet
I stare at its face and ask a question with fear and fascination, "Hello?" and wait or an answer.

march 28, 2008
love thy asshole of a neighbour
As a man of great faith (and an ordained minister) I really want to live and honor God's law to love thy neighbour. But, shit, it is really, really hard to love thy neighbour when thy neighbour is total fucking asshole.

march 26, 2008
the whitest, straightest idol
So now that the allegedly homosexual contestants have been eliminated I guess it's time to weed out the remaining contestants of colour as well. Tonight was Chikezie's swan song, which adds him to the growing list - Asiah', Alexandrea and Joanne. This puts Ramielle and Syesha in a lot of danger. I wonder what America thinks about contestants not born in America.... cause that means Carly and Michael are way less than safe. I tell ya - American Idol is looking straighter and whiter every week.

march 21, 2008
gennifer wax and the futuristic lesbian
Gennifer Wax was adapting to life in Tokyo quite well, she thought. She'd learned her way around the city with only a few mishaps and felt more confident about her surroundings. The language barrier was still tricky though. She'd met a woman in an upscale S&M club close to her hotel. Because the woman spoke no english and couldn't give her name, Gennifer Wax thought of her as the 'futuristic lesbian' as she always wore a bright royal blue wig, a silvery dress, metallic blue eyeliner and lipstick and carried a large silver purse. In the purse she carried what Gennifer though of as the 'futuristic dildo' it was a huge, clear rubber thing with pink glitter embedded in it. She had several unsatisfying encounters with the futuristic lesbian but, then, most of her experiences with other women (futuristic or otherwise) left her anxious and unsatisfied. She just had to face the fact the she was a heterosexual, despite her love of lesbian principals and politics. She just wanted it to push the memory of him out of her mind but it never worked. He was still firmly camped out in her head. She closed her eyes and there he was as she last saw him - gorgeous on the silken surface of the ice. But then she'd open them again and there was a japanese woman with royal blue hair giggling and waving a giant glitter dildo in the air. Gennifer Wax let out a tired sigh and wondered how much japanese she'd need to learn to break up with this chick.

march 19, 2008
everything
Everything's bullshit and I'm sick of it.

march 18, 2008
american homophobe
Colton Berry, Danny Noriega and David Hernandez - all widely reported to allegedly be gay - have been eliminated before the top 10 in this year's American Idol. Okay, Noriega set himself up for elimination by being so fucking obnoxious, but still. Geeze. I guess America's Idol had damn well better be straight.... or if he's gay he damn well better hide it. Which, of course, is completely typical.

march 15, 2008
ode to my glue gun
I've come to embrace my glue gun the way all those NRA people love their guns. This, despite the fact that I received a very serious burn from it a couple of years ago. I guess you could say that I accidentally shot myself with my own gun - which makes me think that maybe weapon gun lovers could forgive theirs if they accidentally shot themselves... which I'm sure happens.
My glue gun is a weapon too, come to think of it. A weapon of construction, creation, creativity and sometimes repair.
If all the kings horses and all the kings men had glue guns, perhaps Humpty Dumpty could have survived that fateful fall. Then glue his ass to the wall from which he fell to prevent any future mishaps.
Hmmmm... I wonder why Humpty fell in the first place? Was Humpty Dumpty a drunk? Did he lean too far back while trying to suck that tricky and tasty last drop from the bottle?
Something to think about.

march 14, 2008
the bravery banjo
Oblivion.
Wood.
Fire.
Two star.
Tin can.
Finality.
Design.
Bravery banjo.
Home juice.
Wing fur.
Decision.
Deliberation.
Freeze.
Hold.
Gold band.
Sing.

march 13, 2008
catholic jewelery & hypnotism
Having grown up Catholic I, of course, had to learn how to say the rosary. I never understood the point of it, though. Was the act of repetitious prayer a way of showing God that you really meant business?
I remember the set of rosary beads given to me by the nun who taught Sunday school.   They were actually quite nice - wooden with a very detailed crucifix. I don't know where they are any more.
In time I came to think that making people say the rosary was the Catholic churches way to stun and hypnotize you into obedience. It was pretty mind-numbing that's for sure.
I don't think that I remember how to say the rosary any more. I could probably fake it. But I bet that if you threw a set of beads into my hands - and put a gun to my head - I'd remember. Like riding a bike... or falling off of one.

march 12, 2008
pill poppin'
Sometimes I think that I might turn into a pill. A purple and green capsule with blue granules inside. Neither an upper nor a downer. Hopefully a pain killer.

march 08, 2008
who's that yelping in the kitchen... oh wait, it's me.
Fucking hands - this carpal tunnel bullshit is pulling me down. I've been cranky and short with everyone and everything this past week and have been trying to pinpoint what exactly it is that is tripping me up - thought maybe I've neglected my vitamin and other supplements regimen... or some such shit. But I think it comes down to my aching hands with their partially numb/tingling middle fingers. Opening a bottle causes me to yelp every time - making a fist is hideously painful. Dr. A____'s suggestions have done a lot for the associated pain in my arms, but my hands remain fuck-ups. I've felt much, much worse pain than this - but I'm realizing that the location of pain decrees so much. Your hands handle most of your physical interactions with this world - so anything that compromises their abilities is most definitely distracting and, oh yes, did I mention painful? So, yeah... no wonder I'm so fucking cranky. And I despise the person I am when I'm so fucking irritable. Ugh!
I will be seeing Dr. A___ this week - hopefully he can offer up some more carpal related aid until I can actually get to a specialist so I can just have the surgery and get it the fuck over with. Will make appointment with Dr. B_____ to try to get that going.
And try to get some better control through understanding on the effect this crap is having on my mood. I hate being that guy who complains and bitches. Hate him, hate him, hate him. And whenever he rears his ugly fucking head and takes control I am left feeling regretful, guilty and disappointed in myself (an unholy fucking trinity) cause I know that I am so goddamn lucky to be in as good of health I am and how my suffering could be light years worse than it really is... and I literally thank God profusely every day for that. I just wish I could maintain that focus, but then I open a bottle of Pepsi and yelp. Pain is an unbelievably powerful thing. Pain gives birth to many a drug problem. Come to think of it, pain - of any kind, be it physical, mental or spiritual - is the source, the root of all drug (drugs of all kinds... pills, sex, gamling, internet, whatever) abuse/addiction. Everybody wants some kind of relief and understandably so. I'm desperate for it.
Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
Ahhhhh... all that swearing feels good. Funny thing. A string of heart-felt expletives and I feel some relief and actually smile.
Or is it the Ani Difranco that I'm listening to right now?
Nah - it's definitely the swearing.

march 06, 2008
billy wigboom and the big love
Finally settled into his hotel room, Billy Wigboom taps his thigh and whispers to himself, "Big love." As close a thing to prayer that he has ever come.

march 04, 2008
fisting
This weird spell of stresses, fuck-ups, frustrations and carpal tunnel hell may be passing... I don't want to say/write too much - don't want to jinx it. Knocking wood and crossing my fingers as best I can with my hands fucking aching. M___ got some very good news business-wise today which, of course, has made him very, very happy and made me very, very happy for him.
I'm grateful for his good news and that my hands are the only things that aren't functioning well. It could be so much worse - I remind myself of that as often as I possibly can. It could be so much fucking worse.
Knock wood, plastic, metal and any other thing I can bang my fist on.

Webmonster's note: Six new items added to the vinyl oddities gallery. Orchidbau's bio also updated. Check 'em out.

march 03, 2008
achey breaky hands
Dr. A___'s Rx for the carpal tunnel business has been pretty damn good so far... my arms feel much better, wrists too. My hands are still problematic though. The numbness, and weird tingliness (is that a word?) I can live with - hoping the achiness can be releived too. But I am most definitely grateful for the relief I have so far. I've been able to get back to J____'s rug - which there seems to be no end to, but I will persist and keep at it. Doesn't help the achiness in my hands but I have to do something or I will lose what little bit of sanity that I am hanging on to... and no one wants that.
I sound so fucking whiney. I'm getting on my own nerves.

march 02, 2008
damn kids
Having dreams about kids. Can't remember many specifics, just that I had to do something or other for their benefit - they were in some kind of danger - and getting it done was full of snafus all over the goddamn place. I guess it isn't enough that I'm stressed out while awake... my dreams have to be equally stressfull and exhausting? Shit.

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