diary Archive: June - July 2008.

june - july, 2008

july 29, 2008
summer hot day

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july 15, 2008
it's just a frigging tv show
Big Brother - just wouldn't be summer if I didn't watch it. Despite the fact that year after year it disappoints me. I return to it like a bitter lover. A passive aggressive relationship. Names are called and so forth.

july 4, 2008
baby / beverage

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june 29, 2008
a love story
I am Cowboy. You are nurse.

june 12, 2008
shit happens
J____ tells me that she's dreaming about shit again. Dreams take a big toll on her. She tells me that if she had some of the dreams I've had that she would "go right out of my mind." I find this very funny. I don't think I'd be thrilled to dream about shit but I'm certain I'd stay sane. Wait a minute... "stay sane" implies that I am sane to begin with. I should say "relatively sane"
Relatively sane is really all anyone can hope for, I think. Everyone's a little fucked up in some ways. Some more so than others. The trick is how well (or how badly) you deal with it.
So I guess J____ is dealing with dreaming about shit relatively well. But, believe me, she is far from thrilled about it.

june 8, 2008
"serpent serpent" excerpt (from chapter 2)
Sharing, curious.
Suitcases.
Dying men in e-mails. On CD's.
Your mother uncooperative.
Your father disinterested.
Whisper. Calm. Bird.
Free. Freely in triplicate. In utero. Innuendo.
A vein so hard to find and pierce.
Anything to find a cure.

june 6, 2008
apologize? who, me?
Extracted a certain line* from the book and entered it into a search engine. The line is provocative and, I suppose, for some people controversial. Needless to say there was a zillion matches. The first 75 or so results were from people (either in interviews, blogs, other media, whatever) either apologizing or attempting to justify what they said or what they really meant, etc. I thought this was funny and typical - we're living in such reactionary times.
All I can say for sure is that I won't be apologizing or trying to justify anything. If people can't get that the book is fiction - and what fiction means - then they shouldn't be allowed on the internet at all. Actually they should probably stay in their homes, digging in with their paranoia, ignorance and ridiculousness.
I've said it before and I'll say it it again - fuck them all. If they don't like the book/site they can go visit some other friggin' website. I won't shed any tears.
*I'm not revealing the phrase in question here and now - the book will be online soon enough. You'll know then.

june 5, 2008
cut it, slash it, make it bleed
One (not so) small step for Orchidbau...
One giant leap for his Goddamn book.

june 4, 2008
on this day in...
Today would have been my parents wedding anniversary - not sure which one... forty-something.
It's also B_____'s (my cat) 11th birthday.
I'm hanging in there.

june 3, 2008
sick & strange
Feeling sick and strange. Don't like it. I know that all things pass in time but it's so easy to forget it.
But then it's easy to forget a lot of things.
Really all we (I) can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other - even if we're (I'm) not quite sure of the destination. Just to have faith that if we (I) do keep moving forward that ultimately we (I) will arrive in a better place.

june 2, 2008
i'm a mess
I'm a mess. Listening to Ryan Adams - seems like good music to be a mess to. Good music, period.

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