diary Archive: January 2008.

january 15, 2008
idol/idle
Got sucked into watching "AmerIcan Idol" tonight. Leaves you with a dumb-ass look on your face, muttering "Huh? Duh?" God, these shows are so smartly produced - cause I couldn't imagine myself spending two hours watching it.... but you inadvertently watch about ten minutes of it and the next thing you know you've spent two hours looking at it. Amazing. Should be called "American Idle."

january 9, 2008
another asshole
I happened to catch about 2 minutes worth of CNN where I learned that the death count of American troops in Iraq is now up to 3094. No mention of the death count of everyone else killed in in Iraq, of course - don't ask don't tell seems to be the policy on that figure... I guess that policy has to be good for something. They were also having this debate about whether George Bush is this great American hero or satan in disguise. Super hero or Super villain. Give me a huge fucking break. George Bush is neither hero nor villain - he's just another crazy asshole. Unfortunately, though, he's a crazy asshole with a lot of power.

january 8, 2008
dr. phil
What an asshole.

january 6, 2008
i put a spell on you
I've been listening to Nina Simone almost constantly for the past few days. After listening to nothing but the rawness of the emotion in her work - especially the unrestrained rage - it's hard to go back to "normal" music again... where everything is measured and production is used to wash everything clean. I wanna hear that raw emotion - that honesty - and nothing but. It's what I want in my life too. It's easy to be scared of it, but when everything has been pushed to the middle of the road and had the rough edges sanded down, you have people walking around anesthetized and encapsulated in their own worlds where everything is measured.   I really, really don't want to be one of those people. I want to be angry when life calls for it. I want to scream when life calls for it. I want to care when life calls for it. I want to do what it takes. Thankfully, I generally am that kind of person... but it's good to have Nina Simone around to keep my ass honest. And while black isn't the the colour of my true love's hair (especially considering my true love has a shaved head), she certainly has put a spell on me.

january 5, 2008
gennifer wax in japan
Tokyo was an wasn't what Gennifer Wax hoped it would be. The newness was certainly a distraction and the culture shock sometimes kept her mind off of.... well, it was better to avoid thinking about it at all. She wanted Japan to make her a more spiritual person. She tried meditation but, alas, when her mind went blank all she could see was light reflecting off the freshly sharpened blade of ice skates and the perfect flatness of the rink. This wouldn't do - she would not go there.   She decided to get out and explore the city more... maybe discover a great little store with amazing purses... or maybe a great little S&M club where she could take out her frustration on some lezzie's ass. Six of one, Gennifer Wax thought, Six of one.

january 3, 2008
me and a gun
Woke from a nap tonight with a smashing headache - I'd been dreaming something involving a cop that I was somehow having some difficulty with. I knocked him down and took his gun - I wanted to throw it over a nearby chain link fence. But do you think I could get the frigging thing over the fence? I'd throw it but never manage to get it over... and I knew I couldn't hold the cop down forever (I had him face-down on the ground with my foot on his back). I can't remember if I ever did get it over the fence. No wonder I woke up with a friggin' headache.

january 2, 2008
emerging homosexuality
I've become obsessed with the song "Ode To Billie Joe" that Bobbie Gentry wrote and made famous in the 60's. It's such a mysterious song - so much of it open to interpretation. Gentry retired and withdrew from public life in 1978 - which adds an aura of mystery to anything she'd ever done, too. So why exactly did Billie Joe jump from the bridge to his death? I did a bit of research and a lot of people have theories and interpretations of the song. One theory which was apparently acknowledged by Gentry (she'd been working with a director on a film adaptation of the song) was that Billie Joe jumped because he couldn't deal with his "emerging homosexuality." Now, I have heard this phrase before and I find it as beguiling as anything else. What is "emerging homosexuality" anyhow? You never hear of "emerging heterosexuality" or even "emerging lesbianism." I don't know. I suppose if I were an adolescent/young adult living in rural Mississippi in the 60's with "emerging homosexuality" I might be a tad panicked too.

january 1, 2008
billy wigboom rings in the new year
This is ground zero, Billy Wigboom thinks, This is zero ground. He wanted to pray for possibility and protection, but he became distracted by the world playing outside his hotel window. It's the cusp of the new year, he thinks, and I'm still without armour. It is too much for him to take in - all the lights, all the voices, everything everyone is doing out there. You have to have armour, he thinks. The noise outside his window grows louder. Midnight. "This is ground zero. This is zero ground," he says aloud, knowing that no one is listening, "This is the year 2008."

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