"Welcome To The Psychiatric Hotline!"


If you are Type A press 1 before anyone else does.

If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly, just in case.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want; just keep reading while we trace your brain waves.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which # to press

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep - or before the beep - or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have attention deficit disorder, start to press......Hello!...Hello?!!

If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state you name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you are masochistic, shove the receiver as far as you can up your left nostril.

If you are sadistic, well,........you get the idea.

If you are grandiose, any number you press will be superior to anything that anyone else might have pressed.

If you are Oedipal, press 7 and your mother will answer.

If you are possessed, press 666.

If you are narcissistic, press 3 to hear a recording of your own voice.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are far too busy to talk to you.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place:

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?

Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the  back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this? Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?

Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don't think so.

Click.

For past mistakes....

Why is psychoanalysis so much quicker for men than for women? .......When it's time to go back to his childhood, they're already there.

NOTE FROM CASEY: I believe mental illness is a serious problem and certainly hope this page is taken in the context that it was intended, as humor. I think that being able to laugh at our shortcomings as a people is essential to the human spirit.

Thanks for stopping by! Have a GREAT day!

,

(: A cAsEmAn PrOdUcTiOn :)





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