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Jokes To Entertain
 Blond Joke
Did you know about the blond who........ Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months, and the box said "2 to 4 years."
Burnt her nose bobbing for french fries.
When asked what the capital of California was, she said "C."
Cooked her turkey for 5 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said, "good up to 20
pounds."
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Couldn't call 911 because she couldn't find an "11" on any phone button.
She Was Sooo Blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She tried to put M &M's in alphabetical order.
She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She studied for a blood test.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."
She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
Ugly Jokes 
You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.
If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.
You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.
If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control...your face
will do just fine.
You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.
You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.
You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.
You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.
You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.
You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor took one look at you and slapped
your parents.
You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for
mooning.
You're so ugly, your pet name is Scooby-Doo.
You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor your father went into shock.
I know why you look like a horse, because I saw your mother grazing in the
field.
You're so ugly, when we play peek-a-boo - first I peeked, then I booed.
You're so ugly, you can sink your face in dough and make monster cookies.
You're so ugly, they call you Taco Bell, when people see you they run for the
border.
You're so ugly, you make onions cry.
You're so ugly, the tide wouldn't bring you in.
You're so ugly, I took you to see the zookeeper and he said, "Thanks for
bringing him back."
You're so ugly, you went to a freak show and got a permanent job.
You're so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you.
You're so ugly, when you get sick they call the vet.
You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry.
You're so ugly, farmers use your picture as a scarecrow.
You're so ugly, every time you go out you get chased by the dog catcher.
You're so ugly, you can't hail a bus.
You're so ugly, they call you Moses because every time you step in the lake,
the water parts.
You're so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.
You're so ugly, they let you park in handicapped spaces.
You're so ugly, when you threw a boomerang it didn't come back.
You're so ugly, when you went to the zoo they refused to let you out.
You're so ugly, you can't get a date off the calendar.
You're so ugly, when your mother went into labor the doctors went on strike.
You're so ugly, your last name is Link and your first is Missing.
You're so ugly, people put your picture in their car window as an anti-theft
device.
You're so ugly, that you can turn milk into yogurt, just by looking at it..
I must admit I brought religion into my life..... I never believed in Hell until I met up.
Congratulations on your new promotion. Before you go...Will you take the knife from my back? You will probaly need it again.
Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost life like.
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now we've broken up, I think it's time you keep your promise.
I am so miserable without you... It's almost like you're still here.
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